i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
