he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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