Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize