New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This baby is an asshole
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize