bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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