Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
