I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
