Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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