Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize