Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
