yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
