Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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