Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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