the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize