It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
