dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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