I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
