i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have aggressive nipples.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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