remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
