he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
NoShamevember. You game?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
