I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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