I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
