guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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