dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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