now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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