Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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