Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
