did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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