So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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