One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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