last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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