my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
