We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
