6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
