I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
