Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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