just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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