I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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