while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
