I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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