how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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