roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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