I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
