so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
