"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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