Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
