speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
