Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
