i jhust puked up my retainher.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
