You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
