So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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