I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
