I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
