Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
