Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
