what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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