last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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