I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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