Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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