if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
