captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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