Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Boobs are out for the taking
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
