You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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