i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
