do herpes really smell.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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