Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
