I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
