I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
