That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
