my mouth tastes like poor choices
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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