I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
