i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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