he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I love having hate sex.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
