I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
