He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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