So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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