the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
