he puts the penis in happiness.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
