I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
