Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
