No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
