I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You can't special order awesome
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
