Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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