i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
