i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
