I must be too annoying 4 u.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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