hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
