I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
