I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
