um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
