im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
what day is it and did you see me today?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
