yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize