I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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