Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
