Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
