I hope mine doesn't look like that
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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