I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So much Jack, so little girl.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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