Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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