Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
