K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
