Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
