she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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