you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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