thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
