and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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