Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
