Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize