Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
