hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
