The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
