my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
